Thanks to everyone who has sent in their teaching rants. I'll be adding more, so remember to check back. Don't forget if you have something to get off your chest, don't punch the wall, punch your keyboard instead and mail your woes to me.
On 22/8/03, SD wrote:
So - at last a site where someone tells it like it really is.
Not leafy comp. (ex-grammar with lots of 4x4s parked ready to collect Jeremy and Helena at 3.15) or independent but real school life. The sort of school that hundreds of thousands of our children attend.
If only the general public could see it as it really is on a daily basis where the
teachers, planned and regulated to the hilt, are systematically abused, ignored and
treated like scum by the very beings they hope to help/improve/educate. I am getting
to the point where I think that what is on offer is so far distant to what is actually
delivered that the whole system is on a course for meltdown.
Do the parents know how their children actually behave in class or do they genuinely believe that it is just occasional 'high-jinks' rather than the constant low to medium level disruption and almost total disaffection from virtually all members of each class (regardless of age and ability level)? Do they care that is not just an intermittent feature of classroom life but is the norm on which all new and fresh-faced Year 7s will model themselves by the end of September? If we installed closed-circuit T.V. in every classroom, as some schools are now doing for security purposes, would parents actually be interested in the evidence or would they put it all down to bad teaching?
The whole thing is making me ill just thinking about it which is why I am now a supply teacher where I get treated like a lower life-form by not only the pupils but also some of the teachers as well. (FAQ to supply teacher 'Are you a real teacher Miss?'). Hey Ho. At least I leave at 3.30 and am a free woman for the rest of the day. I've done the 80-90 hour weeks thank you very much and have no intention of going back to it if I can possibly avoid it.
Enjoyed your item about wordsearches. The kids hate them, the staff set them because they involve no marking or because they think that I as a supply teacher am incapable of teaching whatever is on the syllabus. They really do get made into paper planes or screwed up into ammunition as the children know that it will simply be dumped at the end of the lesson so what's the point.
Keep up the good work.
Gipsy Queen sent in these observations about the staffroom on 26/8/03. Don't get me started on staffrooms! But I'm sure it's a topic that will deserve its own section soon enough. Everyone has a staffroom horror story don't they?
I have to admit that I found this incredibly liberating - thank you for providing the forum.
All staffroom have at least one of these creatures: the Soft Speaker; the Incredible Bore; the Joker.
The Soft Speaker is usually very 'right on' and as the nickname implies - speaks at an almost inaudible volume whilst imparting messages of the utmost importance during staff briefing. Whether you are seated comfortably, sipping your cuppa, or rushing in late, thwarted by traffic, you strain to clear the earwax and experience (depending on how late in the term it is) a mounting sense of frustration at missing the message. Colleagues are almost always nodding knowledgeably, increasing your paranoia that you are inexplicably going deaf. Thankfully, this is an illusion that is shattered upon asking your nearest colleague what was said, and receiving a muttered, "Buggered if I heard a word." in reply. Why doesn't anyone ever ask him/her to SPEAK UP!?
The Incredible Bore is the most irritating person to frequent a staffroom. How do they
ever get past the interview? This is the person who prolongs meeting with utterly
insignificant 'AOB' and starts every sentence with the phrase, "I know this may sound
stupid/silly/uninformed, (delete as appropriate)...but...." and go on to extend the
meeting/training session by at least 20 minutes, utterly oblivious to the mutinous
mutterings and packing up that are usually the trademarks of students kept behind after
the bell has gone. Why do we put up with this behaviour??? Put him/her in detention.
The Joker is a vital staffroom ingredient. No matter how grim your school and its environs, or how difficult an Ofsted you're experiencing, this member of staff always saves the day with irreverent comments and witty asides. Hurrah!
Ranting Teacher writes: What is it with Soft Speakers?! Everyone craning forward to hear what they're saying - maybe they are just attention seekers. Or people showing off, the subtext being, "Look at me! I don't have to shout to gain people's attention!". And I've met some Incredible Bores in my time too - usually on Insets when the trainer has promised we can go home early, and then the IB starts. And I've just noticed that IB could just as easily stand for Irritable Bowel. Draw your own conclusions...
Ceejay sent this in on 26/8/03. Most useful for those of you considering a move to the Black Country!
You've cheered me up so much even in the week before the return to "The Other Place".
Regarding phrases its not just us (I almost collapsed laughing reading Horrors) - the kids have their own weapons in this centuries old conflict. Here are a few (please excuse the Black Country phrases, I have included translations) which are pretty universal.
"It wor me" (I believe you are mistaken in believing that I am responsible)
"Me mom says I ay gorra do detentions" (My parent would prefer that you did not detain me after school please)
"Yow ay me Dad" ( I do not have to listen to you because you are not my male carer)
And there is always the old favourite when struggling with work: "My mom says she was thick at Maths as well"
Perhaps the person we need to get hold of in school is the mysterious character "Sis". You know whenever I ask a kid who did something it's always "SIS" fault.
Hope you enjoy the new term.
Ranting Teacher writes: Aha, I believe this would make another good page to the website - a guide to regional excuses and dialects! Very useful for teachers considering moving to other parts of the country!
Yorkshire Teacher wants to share some tips with you all.
Maybe my school is different, but more or less all of us end up having to teach PSHE at some point. It has to be said that it is not a popular subject! A few tips for making it a bit easier on yourself.
1. Have loads of little stories ready. Everything that you hear in the pub from friends and even passing strangers might be useful. Start every sentence with, "Well, I know this bloke who....." It can't fail. At least it never has for me. Some kids even said they liked PSHE lessons! (god kids can be sick at times). Relay all those little embarrassing things from university. The kids will think you are so cool!
2. When the dreaded moment arrives that sex education has to be taught, be a bit clever.
Be totally outrageous, almost unbelievable. Year 9s will try everything to make you blush,
but not if you get in there first. Get to dodgy topics before they do and they will be
so embarrassed that an old man or woman knows these things, they will not want to talk
about it! It can turn out that they will just sit and listen and will not dare say a word.
They can even go very red when you mention oral sex! Completely fail safe (and they
will think that you do actually have a life).
3. If you have to demonstrate how to do the condom thing, then get a kid out to the front to do it. You will never see such a streetwise kid melt so quickly. The rest of the class will be totally silent thinking, "Thank god that isn't me doing that!" It is totally marvellous for a teacher to watch!
Long live PSHE!!!!!
A real grumble from a teacher who prefers to remain anonymous...
How about starting up a discussion on the real reason that many kids in Comp schools are getting a crap education i.e. bone-idle, incompetent SMT (senior management team).
I am at a school where
a 'Superhead' and his
5 (yes 5) Deputies have no teaching load, and do not fulfil their promise to control the
corridors (apart from during OFSTED week, when they were mob-handed). They also routinely
ignore Incident Reports. Consequently, the school has degenerated to being a zoo, both
inside and outside the classroom. Solution? Cancel our 10 minute morning break and force
us to do a lunchtime-duty per week (currently done half-heartedly by SMT). The parents
need to know the real reason for their kids' crap education and the decline in behaviour,
as they are presently in the dark.
Ros has a rant about jargon. I think I'll appeal for the most ridiculous piece of jargon anyone finds - maybe we'll have a vote on it!
Congrats on the site - a great read, but I'm lucky enough to be a classroom escapee and don't rant nearly as much as I used to!
My particular rant would be about Jargon. In particular that type of
politically correct stuff that is essentially meaningless but is used
anyway:
"This methodology enhances the effectiveness of the learning experience from
a pupil perspective."
(Read: Pupils do better if they're taught like this.)
But the word I really can't stand is "entitlement" - grrrrrr - that makes my blood boil. But I was brought up in an age where I didn't really believe I was entitled to anything, but that I should work to achieve certain things. I wanted a go on my dad's (ZX Spectrum) computer, I had to wash the car first. I wanted to buy some sweets - I had to walk and save my busfare to do so!
Anjijoy raises a very good point. I think the biggest waste of paper I see every day comes from the computer corner, where if something doesn't print straight away, the kids tend to press the "print" button about fifty more times. And there's also the case of the room lights that we have no control over - no switches for us mere teachers to fiddle with. Instead, we have the artificial light in sunshine and rain... However, I'd like to know which schools are rich enough to have surplus pens and pencils...!
Why do teachers and schools waste so much? What kind of message does this send to the children we teach?
Examples of wasting:
1. windows open but heating on full blast! (in corridors and classrooms). I used to walk around turning off all the radiators in classrooms in which I taught and as I passed the radiators in the corridors.
2. paper screwed up and thrown in waste paper baskets. What's so hard about having a recycling box and visiting the recycling bins on the way home?
3. old exercise books - binned rather than recycled - including those, at the end of the academic year, which have many blank pages in them. Why can't the blank pages be cut out and put into a paper for general use tray?
4. text books and other readers that are no longer used are binned, not even recycled! Why can't these be taken to the local charity shop or given to organisations that send such resources to 'third world' countries that are crying out for resources.
5. old pens and pencils - still in good working order - are thrown out at the end of the academic year (or even at the end of each term in some schools!).
These are the five main gripes I have against waste in schools. I dread to think how many more I could list if I gave myself more time to think about the situation.
When will schools and teachers learn?
Thanks to ilovesooty for telling us about her day!
Year 8 History cover lesson:
Girl 1: What's the Queen's name?
Girl 2: Elizabeth
Girl 1: She's got another name as well.
Girl 2: I know - Elizabeth Vagina
Two Year 10 boys chatting about a member of SMT: "T's so far up B's (HT's) arse he's coming out of his mouth at the other end...". (Had to pretend I didn't hear that one...)
Also, question from a Year 7 pupil regarding a member of SMT: "Miss, what does Mr S do?" I don't know, but when you find out will you let the staff know?)
© Copyright laws apply to the contents of this website. 2003