I was off sick a while back with mild discomfort of the throat and super-stress
brought on by weeks of the joy of teaching. People seem to think your voice packs up
by too much shouting. It's actually a disease called repetition-itis. A typical three
minutes from a lesson might be something like this (I'll leave you to imagine the tone of
voice of the principal actor here!):
Me: Right, copy the title from the board into your exercise book.
Pupils: What? I don't get it.
Me: What do you mean, you don't get it? All you're doing is copying the title from the board.
Pupils: What's the title?
Pupils: What are we doing?
Pupils: He's taken my pen.
Pupils: Can I have some paper?
Me: Where's your book?
Pupils: You've lost it.
Me: I've lost it? How could that be?
Pupils: What's the title?
Pupils: Can I borrow a pen?
Me: Okay, when you've copied down the title, put down your pen so I can see you're ready.
Pupils: I haven't got a pen.
Me: Well use a pencil.
Pupils: I haven't got a pencil.
Pupils: Miss, he's taken my book.
Me: Right, stop talking please.
Me: I'm still waiting for you to stop talking.
Me: Michael, sit down. Tina, turn around.
Pupils: What are we doing?
Me: I'm waiting for you to stop talking so I can explain to everyone what we're going to do.
Silence for a millisecond
Me: Last lesson we found out that Elizabeth was the last of the Tudors. Who was the next monarch?
Pupils: What does monarch mean?
Me: Look it up in your glossary, you wrote the meaning down last lesson.
Pupils: Where? I can't remember.
Pupils: King or queen!
Me: Yes, well done. So who can remember who took over after Elizabeth?
Pupils: Henry VIII.
Me: No, and please don't shout out.
Pupils: Ann Boleyn.
Me: It was James Stuart.
Pupils: Who?
Pupils: Miss, he's got my pen.
Pupils: Shut up David.
Pupils: Why are we studying history? It's booooring.
Me: spontaneously combusts
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