Whether the school production is an annual music and dance extravaganza or a nativity play of a familiar format, its existence takes priority over everything else. It is always referred to as a "production" rather than a play or musical, perhaps because the latter terms promise something so specific, which a "production" doesn't necessarily have to deliver.
The school production becomes a black hole into which the children get sucked, swiftly
followed by lesson plans, lunch breaks, and sanity. The theory goes that the more children there
are taking part, then the more relatives there will be to fill up the school hall when the
production is finally staged. The flip-side of this is that the more children are involved,
the more disruptive it is for everyone else.
As a rule, teachers take one of two sides. There are those that sign up to help, relishing the opportunity to be a part of something that lets them see a different side to the children, to do something as a team, and to create something of which the school can be proud.
The other side is those that abstain. Abstention may seem like the lazy option, but it is in
fact the martyr's role. Sometimes there simply is no role for you, as a teacher, to fulfil.
This is particularly true when you join a new school. It matters not if you have previously
single-handedly designed costumes for a whole stable of nativity animals or co-ordinated
the lighting and special effects for "Oliver!", because there will usually be some old codger
of a teacher who has done that job since time began and sticks to it tenaciously, growling
slightly at anyone who threatens the existing hierarchy.
Even worse, teachers not involved in the production end up babysitting all the children too naughty or disaffected to take part, and this is the reason that so many teachers sign up to help in the first place.
Of those volunteering their assistance, a good many just want to be in charge. It's not
just the children who have stars in their eyes, but also the drama teacher. The art department's
contribution to scenery painting is not a selfless act of philanthropy, but probably their
greatest chance for a wide audience for their work. It's also penance for the lack of marking that
comes with that particular job.
So if your kids are in a school production this year, and you're nodding off between the scenes in which they feature, here's a little game for you. Count how many teachers you can see spaced around the hall and at the edge of the stage, and then rank them in order of starry-eyed desperation. You can award them points if they are mouthing the words to the songs, distracting the performers on stage by pointing out directions, or just generally trying to look important. Then try to spot your child's teacher(s). If they are absent, it will be because they have had a rough time containing the excluded kids, or are at that moment calming down the over-excited lambs backstage, and will never see the production themselves. So give them a sympathetic smile at Parents Evening, and say no more about it...
added 22/12/03
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