There are certain occasions when horrific childhood memories come flooding back to you as a teacher. For some, it may be the smell of fear in the exam hall on a sunny May morning. For me, it's Sports Day.
Now, I'm not completely unsporty. I exercise regularly, and even enjoy it. At school I was (briefly) in the hockey, swimming and badminton teams. But I have never seen the point of Sports Day. It's just a big exercise in showing off, as the same kids triumph in track and field, whilst the others shiver in their shorts and are forced to throw small yet wrist-bendingly heavy balls, or whack their ankles on hurdles, or trot around the track whilst under the scrutiny of the entire school.
Teachers either take immediate control of their chosen activity or wait to be allocated a role,
depending on whether the PE teacher picks you for their team or not. After picking up the
high jump pole for the five hundred and twelfth time with a fixed grin of encouragement
plastered across your face as your back clicks once again, crowd control looks like a cushy
job. This is until you arrange a swap and realise that the kids are not going to sit in
lines, pick up their sweet wrappers, or stop booing, however much you try to make yourself
heard.
My tips for surviving Sports Day are as follows. Learn how to use the digital camera, and quickly make yourself indispensible as the official photographer. This is also a great excuse to disappear for a while every hour, to "download the pictures". However, if another teacher beats you to this ploy, the symptoms of hayfever can be easy to feign with the help of a well-concealed onion. Even better is the sprained ankle approach, which should afford you a seat in the sun far away from errant javelins. Or, if your school is desperate for helpers, you will be given a stopwatch and be made a finishing line judge, which is virtually Sports Day royalty.
added 22/12/03
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