Here’s a funny thing. Before I trained to be a teacher, I knew of three people who had trained to be RE teachers. None of them were vehemently Christian, and in fact one was a Buddhist and one was a pagan. Cool, I thought. The children will get a chance to learn about world religions, a topic I myself found fascinating at school, because it meant learning about how other people lived and why they followed certain rituals and held certain beliefs. I found it very enlightening and would hope all children had the chance to learn more about the inhabitants of this world we live in.
Similarly, before embarking on this career I knew of one person who trained to be a French teacher. He was funny and immensely likeable, a bit scruffy and very down to earth.
So where are these people in the schools I’ve taught in since becoming a teacher myself? The Modern
Foreign Language teacher can be spotted immediately in any staffroom. Whilst most members of staff drag
their slightly flustered selves in each morning carrying carrier bags of books, the MFL teacher, who is
with very small exception female, appears immaculately dressed in expensive looking clothes which exude
class and style as well as flirting with the fashion of the day. She always wears make-up and it’s usually
the full works: blusher and eyeliner, lashings of mascara and a finely powdered nose, plus lipstick to match
nail polish. MFL teacher is never seen in a pair of shoes with a heel less than 4 inches, and she walks with
assured grace and ease where others are pushed aside by bags and sweaty adolescents.
Standing too close to MFL teacher is a soul-destroying exercise as you start to scrutinise your own ill-matched trousers and shirt, look down at your shoes that need a good polish or possibly even a good binning, and breathe in not the scent of chalk but the finest fragrance.
I’ve tried to justify this sophisticated appearance compared to my scruffy self by imagining that MFL
teacher probably learned the hard way: turning up on the mean streets of Paris as an exchange student and
being looked up and down by the chic French mademoiselles who tottered by holding their miniature poodles.
It probably started with just a black polo neck or silk neck scarf, and by the end of the year had turned a
typical British student into something glamorous and so chi-chi. Or maybe it’s a ploy by the Board for Teaching
French, to convey to future possible linguists that this subject exudes sophistication and a little bit of
je ne sais quoi. Maybe trainee language teachers have lessons in make-up and deportment and walking in
dangerously high heels, in the same way that air hostesses used to. Somewhere there lurks a finishing
school for these teachers, that’s the only way I can explain this phenomenon.
By contrast, the RE teachers are a dowdy bunch. Some people have RE thrust upon them, and they don’t
always conform to the stereotypes, but otherwise RE teachers seem to be either miserable and serious, or
happy-clappy do-gooders. I don’t mind the happy-clappers so much, because whatever angle they are coming
from, they have the best interests of the children and of society at heart. They spread messages of
goodwill, preach inspiring stories in assemblies, and although generally Christian, you never get the
impression they force Christianity down the throats of their audience. It’s the messages of Christianity
that are important to them, such as being compassionate and caring towards each other, helping those in
need, and so on. Society as a whole needs these people.
What it could do without though are the dour sour-faced kind of people who teach Christianity without acknowledging that it’s actually RE they’re meant to be disseminating, and refuse to see the validity and right to exist that other religions have. Their personal beliefs taint everything they teach, so that pupils end up with completely biased “advice” on such contentious issues as sex, abortion, relationships and drugs, when these alleged paragons of virtue are hardly the most qualified or experienced to offer balanced advice and debate.
Look, I know these are just stereotypes, right? But they are scarily based on a wide pool of samples. Now I shall have to have a think about teachers of other subjects. Maybe next time I’ll start with PE – or is that just too obvious already?!
added 25/7/06
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