I've had the following report hanging around for some time, like a bad smell, in fact. Here's how The Sun online reported it:
I can't think ... Sir stinks
By DAVID WOODING
NEARLY half of all teachers PONG, according to teenage pupils. And the stink is so bad it even puts secondary school scholars off their lessons, added a poll yesterday. Other teacher crimes include having “coffee breath”, telling bad jokes or men “perving” at girls. Some 46 per cent of 2,000 pupils quizzed said tutors were smelly — and believed it was a common trait in the profession.
Maths teachers were branded the “most evil” by a quarter of the teenagers and a fifth said science staff were “boring”. But PE teachers are the most sexy according to 49 per cent.
One in 50 pupils admitted ATTACKING a teacher and one in six said they had sworn at a member of staff. Fifteen per cent revealed they occasionally play truant, said the poll in teen mag Bliss. Editor Helen Johnson said: “Teenagers don’t blanket-hate their teachers. If they are well taught, pupils find school fascinating. But it makes sense for the staff to put on deodorant in the morning and wash their hair.” [snip]
Well, readers of teen mag Bliss, my news to you is that this is hardly news! When I was at school we had stinky teachers too, and I agree, that coffee breath thing is terrible. You forgot to mention the teacher who compulsively smokes whilst marking your book, so that even your book stinks when it's returned.
As for men "perving" at the girls, I would have thought that this was the desired effect
of wearing your skirt two inches short of skimming your knickers, and your shirt unbuttoned to
show off your navel piercing or wonderbra, or both. You can't be selective in who gawps at your attire
if that's the way you choose to flout the rules. Believe me, I know there are teachers who
feel very uncomfortable when girls decide to flash the flesh. Not only do they not know where
to put their eyes, but they are also constantly aware that at any time a false allegation
could be made against them for "perving" over their pupils.
I'm sure I've mentioned elsewhere the evil smells that teenage boys and girls can emit. It's not something I wish to dwell on, having managed to get the stench out of my nostrils since the holidays began.
But our unanimous moaning about smells does raise an interesting point. The sense of smell is very powerful. I believe the part of the brain that deals with sorting out smell is close to the part that is concerned with memory. (You may, by now, have guessed that I'm not a science teacher, "boring" or not!) This is why a smell can sometimes remind us of something from the past. There's a smell that reminds me of my first day at secondary school as an eleven year old, for example. I don't know what it is, whether it's a whiff of autumn in the air, the smell of fear, or the scent of a new blazer, but every now and again I'll get a waft of it and my memories come vividly flooding back.
I wonder if there is a smell that helps to calm down over-excited children? I know there
are herbal remedies that claim a quick snort will stop you stressing, or lavender by your
pillow helps you to relax and sleep. But what I really want is one of those plug-in
fragrances that manages to eliminate any of the offensive teacher smells, like the
afore-mentioned coffee breath, stinky children smells, the stench of the greasy crisp
packets and bubble gum spitoons that fill my bin every day, and so on, whilst also
promoting a sense of calm alertness. If there are any aromatherapists willing to experiment,
please do let me know!
added 3/8/04
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