Now this may come as a surprise to regular readers of this website, but there are
things about my job I love. Yes, it’s true. For one, I love being constantly
intellectually challenged, finding workable solutions to questions such as “how do I make
this topic remotely interesting to Year 9 on a wet Wednesday afternoon when they’d rather
be texting their mates or playing repetitive computer games?” or “how shall I ensure every
child has understood this topic when there aren’t enough text books to go around and only
half of them have brought pens?”.
However, that doesn’t stop me wistfully flicking through the vacancies sections of the newspapers that normal people actually have time to read. I like to imagine that one day I might apply to a sympathetic employer who was actually looking for a recent graduate but who is overwhelmed enough by my application to offer me the job straight away, removal expenses and company car thrown in. Well, we can all dream.
Recent lethargy has prevented my feeble arms from holding up a newspaper for long enough to get beyond the front page, so my imaginary job hunt has taken a back seat to falling asleep on the sofa of late. So imagine my surprise when the thud of the paper awoke me from my evening’s reverie, as it slipped from my hands and fell open at a page which had a job that jumped out from the page at me. “Teachers’ TV” were the first words I saw. Except they were all written in lower case, and my virtual red pen has corrected that straight away. Pah! Don’t these media types know anything!
On closer inspection, there were three jobs available. The last looked like a job I
could actually do. They want “Presentation and Promo Producers”. This would involve being
“Responsible for producing promos and writing presentation and continuity links”. I could
do that! Writing – yes, and I watch enough TV to know the intricacies of continuity links.
There’s just one problem: Teachers’ TV? I’ve heard a bit about this new channel,
which is going on air early next year. Surely this job would be quite demanding. The
programmes could well be of questionable interest, and the Presentation and Promo Producer
would have their work cut out to keep viewers gripped to the latest installment of
Ticking the Right Boxes: How to fill in assessment sheets when they know that
Changing Rooms is just starting on the other side, and non-teaching family members
are throwing threatening glances in the direction of the remote controller holder.
Still, it would be a challenging job. A bit like teaching really. Keeping the audience
excited when there’s not really much to get excited about. Changing tactics as viewer
numbers fall to ensure attention is drawn back. Wondering how to make programmes like
the afore-mentioned programme appeal to people who have slumped in front of the box to
chill out, not take notes. Yes, I can hear the dead-pan voice announcing what’s on next
being shoved out of the way by me in my enthusiatic mode, telling people to get ready for
the next twenty minutes that will change their life, and buckle up for the roller-coaster
ride that is Crossing the Threshold: An Insider’s Tale.
Actuallly, I don’t even know what type of programming the Teachers’ TV will show, but I already have lots of ideas that should get the viewers in, as long as the programmes are titled properly. Anything “from hell” seems to appeal to the masses, which should be a doddle for teaching related subjects: Classes from hell, Paperwork from hell, Colleagues from hell, Parents from hell, Observations from hell… the list could go on and on.
In fact, if Teachers’ TV is anything less than this, I shall be sorely disappointed. And maybe you should look out for Ranting Teacher’s TV as a viable viewing alternative, coming from a triple-figured satellite channel near you soon.
added 3/10/04
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