Mid August. Crazy time of year, really. I used to believe that this was the height of summer, but now my perspective has changed. The height of summer always seems to take place in exam time, when the days are hottest and the nights are at their shortest. It's then that barbeques are still an exciting novelty and the prospect of a last-minute package deal somewhere exotic yet affordable is a distinct possibility. But now the nights are getting darker earlier, the back-to-school bargains are out in force in every store, and there's no time left for a fortnight in Goa. At least there's still time to sit in the garden and read the newspapers cover to cover.
Like many people, I suspect, at this time of year, I was always a bit fed up to see
newspapers chock full of reviews for stuff going on at the
Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
I was annoyed because I would think: okay, that’s all very well for the people of
Edinburgh, but what about the rest of us? I had no idea of the scale of this Festival, or
the variety of things on offer, or of the hackneyed idea that all the theatre luvvies,
comedians and critics left the stifling and sticky heat of London in the summer to decamp
to a hilly Scottish city which is cooled by breezes fanning across from the Forth. (And the
very thick fog which didn’t seem to lift day or night.)
Well, that’s what I thought until I turned up in Edinburgh. You can read about two of the productions I saw at An Inspector Calls - Twice . They were both musicals about OFSTED inspections, although let me tell you right now, I would only recommend going to see one!
Get in touch if you like. I'd especially like to know if anyone else saw those two plays, and what you thought.
I knew it had been a long time since I had updated this page when I opened up notepad to start writing my news and noticed that the font was different from last time I used it. Then I remembered that I'd updated some technical stuff on my computer just over a month ago. Hmmm. Yes, it really has been that long.
But this was not as great as the shock of discovering my backlog in reading that I started to tackle yesterday. You can read about that at Getting on top of things.
The first week of these summer holidays was spent in a hectic round of visits: to relatives,
museums and galleries, the cinema, the beach, and of course, to pubs. It was whilst in one
of the latter establishments that I pondered upon the following. I realised that there
are quite a few similarities between my
job and the act of going down the pub. I've started to make a list, and if you can think
of any more then I'd be glad to hear them!
The second and third weeks of the holidays have been spent at a more sedate pace, that has
led me to some conclusions about myself, which you can read at
Impatience. While I've had time to contemplate, and rummage
around on my hard drive, I managed to find an old article I was saving to show you all. You
can read about it at Kicking up a stink.
I also found a nice comment sent in by "Mr Lead":
Ranting teacher, your site rocks, especially the "musical youth" section which is very appropriate being (almost) a music teacher. Happy end of term memories came flooding back. One was handing in a cassette of Keith and Orville Sing Disney but the enclosed tape was actually Ice-T!!!!! I've never seen a teacher move so fast since the first line of the tape played "$%^%$*&( ^$^&))(£b (*&*$&*^*&^"
Ha, well just you wait until it happens to you! I'm convinced that what goes around comes
around in the world of education, but at least you've got some time to prepare a defence or
response. But it's not all work work work for teachers, surely? You've probably already
heard of the games we can play, but if you need reminding, then take a peek at
Workers' play time .
Don't forget you can get in touch and let me know your thoughts, stories, or comments on anything here.
This morning I had my first guilt-free lie-in for a long long time. Usually if I sleep in
past 8 o'clock I wake up feeling crabby and annoyed that I've wasted a few hours of daylight,
especially those that are usually my most productive time of day. But last night my changed
routine of this half term holiday meant that I remembered something. Back in my university
days, essays were written mostly between the hours of midnight and 8am, when there were few
of the distractions that sunshine, shops, lectures or pubs offer. And because I wasn't
exhausted from a day at school and only capable of squinting at the TV before sloping off to
bed early, I actually managed to get quite a lot of work done post-watershed. My body was
rediscovering its natural rhythm of being productive during the darker hours, and wanting to
lounge around for most of the afternoon. Now I'm just going to have to re-adjust once more before
the alarm rings at 6am on Monday morning...
Meanwhile, you can read about the rest of my half term holiday at Holiday Distractions. And I apologise in advance for being mean in my Quick Quiz!
Don't forget to get in touch!
The lethargy seems to have cleared up a treat, because I've got two more pages to add
today. Ironically, one is all about being Lazy. The other page is
about what boys can be like in the classroom. They are based on real pupils, and you can read
it at Take Three Boys.
Thanks to people who have taken the trouble to e-mail me, and I will be adding some of your comments and ideas to the site very soon, so keep coming back to check! It's just that the sun has come back out and suddenly I feel all tired again. Maybe I just need a quick lie-down in the garden before dinner...
I've been struck down by lethargy. That's the only excuse I can give you for not
updating this website sooner. The sun's been out, the garden's been tempting me out and
away from my computer, and the kids have been set revision for homework, which means no
boot full of books to mark at the weekend. May is pretty much the perfect month!
I've even
had time to do some reading as I've half-slumbered in the sunshine, including a copy of the
satirical magazine Private Eye which recently had a teaching special. By this, it
meant that a teacher from Telford, who had kept a diary of his lessons, contributed an
interesting account of a fortnight from his teaching life. I really enjoyed reading it
because I felt that it showed what lessons can really be like - the kids with no pens,
no inclination to do any work, no manners, and so on. But I'm really perplexed by it all.
How did he manage to write a full account of each lesson after it had happened? Did his
school have half hour breaks between each lesson? Or were his classes badly behaved and
disaffected because he sat there writing this diary when he should have been explaining
quadratic equations?
The online version is no longer available, but it was issue 1108 I think, if you're interested!
I had a go at keeping a diary of my lessons, too. I got as far as writing about one lesson.
And I only had the time to do this because I had a free period after that particular lesson
and no urgent photocopying, reports, marking or preparation to do before the next lesson. You
can read what I wrote at The Secret Diary.
It's hardly ground-breaking stuff, but multiply it by 5 and you have my typical day, and the
reason why my wall is suffering from having my head banged against it on a regular basis.
I'm also surprised that the Private Eye teacher remembered his lessons in such detail if he waited until the end of the day to write about them. Everything happens so fast in a classroom that sometimes it's only later that night, as I'm cleaning my teeth, or just about to go to sleep, that I remember something of monumental importance that happened, for example the kid I sent to wait outside the classroom because he was pushing on his way in. Where did he go? I didn't see him again. I should have reported his disappearance, but it's tricky when I only remember sending him out twelve hours after it happened.
Anyway, as usual, you can get in touch and let me know your thoughts and opinions. I'll aim to update this sooner next time!
This past few weeks has really been a case of "where has all the time gone?". At one
point during last Bank Holiday weekend I thought I was still in the Easter holidays, except
I couldn't find any chocolate eggs stashed around the house, so that brought me back to the
reality that two weeks of this term have just flown past - and this third week ushered in my
first eyelid-straining invigilation sessions of the exam season. Honestly, there is a reason
that teachers patrol the aisles of the desks in the exam hall, and it's not because we like
to look hard and in control, it's because we'd all be curled up in the corner snoring
otherwise.
We also seem to have had a cascade of interview days. Not that I've seen any candidates, because they have been carefully under guard in the staffroom for the duration of their interview ordeal, and if they have been given a guided tour of the school, it has been a very creative tour, probably just viewing the new blocks and freshly painted toilets. A number of these interviews have included internal candidates, and the backstabbing and bitchiness from which I try to shelter my sensitive ears has only served to remind me why I keep myself to myself as far as the warring factions of the staffroom go. And of course, it provides fodder for my latest addition, Gossip.
The only other thing to report is that I underwent a short quest for shameless publicity
for this website, to celebrate its first birthday, and managed to have over 2000 visitors
during the second week of Easter, which did warm the cockles of my heart.
It doesn't sound a lot now, but I was really chuffed at the time!
I might remove the
hit counter I had lurking at the bottom of the page now though. Checking my own hits is
becoming a bit of a sad obsession. Instead, you can let me know
what you think about the website, teaching in general, and so on. Go on, get in touch. It
can get lonely in hyperspace. And so c-c-c-cold. Oh wait, I know why it's cold. It's because
I turned off the heating in here, thinking that now it's May there would be no need. How wrong
I can be...
Anyway, until I next have something to moan, whinge or rant about...!
Welcome to visitors old and new! It's great to know that loads of you have been checking the website while it's still in a birthday frame of mind. Thanks for all your kind messages, and don't forget to tell your friends about it.
Just to let you know that I've added two more pages: Them and us and Me and Ms Jones. Remember, you can let me know what you think. Until next time...
Altogether now, "Happy birthday to me..." - yes, Ranting Teacher has been up and running
for a year today, and amazingly there are still things to whinge about! Still, at the
moment it's the Easter holidays, and it was a good six nights before I had my first
nightmare this time, involving vile children and out of control classes. At least, I hope
it was just a nightmare.
Of course there's a spring in my step in the mornings now that it's light when I get up. That's why it's always more of a shock when I emerge from the school building at the end of the day and it's still light. I feel like a pit pony, blinking under the brightness of natural light after a day trying to gaze out of my window and seeing only broken blinds. I'm sure one of the other teachers that uses my room must have broken them deliberately to stop the kids gazing outside instead of at the board. Even more of a relief is the escape from the smells. Blooming deodorant adverts. The 12 year old boys might be trying out the Lynx effect, and this is probably preferable to that strange sweaty / wet sawdust / farty smell that boys otherwise emit, but they certainly do spray it on all over. They might be easily influenced by the same advertising, and they are also pretty similar in taste in their choice of music too. It makes their tastes easy to categorise, and you can read about what "da kidz" are listening to at Musical Youth.
So what else is new on this joyous day? Well, I've been decorating the website.
I was going to say I've spring cleaned it, but that would be an exaggeration. Besides, I think
all the old cobwebs hanging around add that certain something. What I have done is
updated the homepage, and you will find some new rants as well, of course! They say it's
tough at the top, but it can be even tougher when you're the bottom of the pile. If you
want to find out more about my personal experiences of training to teach and then those
first formative years, then take a look at Highs and Lows.
Now I know I do ramble on at times. Some call it a stream of consciousness, but in same cases
(not mine I hope) there's no more fitting phrase than
Random Brainwave Bullshit, and you can find out more about that at
The Joy of Sets. And you can tell I've had a bad day
when I fire off something like Microcosm of Society, but do
persist with reading that one, as hopefully you can formulate your own happy ending from
the bile oozing out there. And feel grateful that I spill my guts here rather than the classroom!
Meanwhile, if you want to send me a belated card or even berate me (gently) you can do so here.
How exciting! I've just noticed that it's almost the first birthday of Ranting Teacher!
And how it's grown... about 30 pages of ranting so far, some more coherent than others, admittedly.
That's about a page per working week on average. How I wish I could divulge some of the real
rants I've had this week, but to do so would be to give away just too much information. So
instead I'll just say "Grrrrrrrrrrrrr", glare in certain directions, and save up my stories
for when there are new "issues" at school to occupy the bitching factions of the staffroom.
Meanwhile, being a frequent cusser under my breath, I felt it was time to write about swearing,
which you can read at Mind your language.
Do pop back around Easter weekend, to celebrate my first birthday, and if you want to
get in touch don't forget that you can contact me here.
I'm off to find the party streamers and those noisy things you blow down so that the paper
unfurls... now what are they called...?
March already? Well, February is the shortest month, although this year we had the extra day of course. I'm sure some higher being heard my grumblings about working an extra day for no extra pay, and so blessed February with a range of wacky weather options that led to not one but two days of school closure, thanks to snow and all that excess water pouring from the heavens. So I'm now inclined to picture that higher being as a benevolent and celestial Michael Fish. And now I just get to grumble about being behind in my teaching, having lost several lessons to the will of the elements. See, I'm hard to please! Although, you would have been hard pushed to recognise me as a Ranting Teacher if you had seen me yell with delight when I heard that school was shut, followed by several hours of running around in the snow, amused by my own footprints.
So what delights does February bring to the life of the teacher? It's when most schools find
out what their budget for the following year will be, and decide if they can afford to
replace their retiring teachers. The jobs sections are bulkier at this time of year, and
colleagues mysteriously disappear for a day, reappearing with either a bounce in their
step (new job) or a general feeling of lack of self-worth (they didn't get the job and now
have to live with the knowledge that not only are they stuck in the same job they are
desperately trying to escape, but everybody knows that (a) they were not worthy, and (b) they
are eager to escape in the first place).
February also brings a cluster of parents' evenings to our school calendar.
In addition, it makes
me worry more about the use of the apostrophe than at any other time of the year - the
evening belongs to parents, right, so the apostrophe should go there? I get so fed up
with colleagues who can't use the English language properly that I worry excessively
about my own "bend the rules when it suits my purpose" approach to grammar. But I think the
difference here is that this is a website, and informal in nature, whereas when I see letters
going home to parents that include spelling errors and the kind of punctuation that gets
slated by Key Stage 2 SATs examiners, I can't but help wonder what it's all coming to,
blah blah blah.
Anyway, parents' evenings. Love 'em or loathe 'em, you can read my observations at Meet the Parents. And keep your own thoughts and comments coming in - you can contact me here.
Happy New Year to you all. In fact, it is quite happy
from a teacher point of view, being equal-length terms between
now and the summer, meaning planning is easier, and visualising six-week segments between
each chance to catch up and recuperate is strangely calming. It doesn't stop the familiar
patterns to each week from emerging though. We've now been back at school for three weeks,
and this is how it goes. Week one: the kids need easing back into work as their minds
have seized up thanks to a diet of TV, texting, and video games. Books have been lost.
Homework is forgotten. The most important thing is catching up with their mates, making
new alliances and enemies, and woe betide the teacher that tries to encourage any independent
thinking if it isn't to do with how to beat that wretched monster on level 8 of "Violent
Shoot-'em-up in Space".
Week two is the best week of the term. The kids are more settled. They are even willing to
learn in some extreme cases. They have not yet got back into their disruptive little ways,
well not much anyway. When you first start teaching, and are given your own classes for the first time, and
you're sizing each other up, this is known as the honeymoon period. The false sense of
security and competence almost gets you through to pay day.
Because it's generally in the third week of term that everything kicks off.
What happens in week three? It must be a combination of things. I'm sure there are PhDs on the topic. Or there should be anyway. The more restless kids start remembering their favourite tricks. They get bored with actually doing homework, and instead hone their skills of excuse-making. They see if they can push it just a little further than they have ever done before. Detentions become part of the daily routine for some of them.
I'm sure I never noticed the weeks passing in the segments of time that I now do when I
was a pupil. Now I have to plan lessons and schemes of work, and fit everything in by a
certain point, and juggle that with courses, exams, and other reasons that lessons are missed,
I'm sometimes convinced I'm already in the next month down the calendar. For me, the weeks
are strictly regimented with jobs allocated for each of them. At any one point in the term
I can usually tell you how many more teaching days there are until the next holidays. At the
moment it's 15. There, that doesn't sound too bad! Except I'm already behind on what I should
have taught by now...
Ah well, what with thinking about the differences between pupils and teachers, I started to think about the ways in which former pupils are convinced to bridge the divide and give teaching a go. The Teacher Training Agency produces adverts to encourage would-be teachers. You can read my thoughts at Reeling them in. And if you have your own ideas on this topic, or anything else to do with this website, don't forget you can get in touch with me here. Until next time, when the days will be longer, cheerio.
© Copyright laws apply to the contents of this website. 2003, 2004