This is it then. The last day of the summer holidays. So many things I thought I'd do, but didn't get round to. One day I'll have the courage to screw up all the "to do" lists, but right now I can't seem to find them, as there are so many scraps of paper on my desk...
One of these scraps is an envelope I've just opened from my union. There really is no
escape from the realities of teaching, despite the summer break. The letter is trying
to flog me an insurance plan in case something really awful happens to me. Just in
case we'd relaxed too much over the summer, sunk into the sofa a little too far, or managed
to iron out the frown lines, the union would like to remind us that it "recognises that
teachers today face an increasing risk of physical assault at school. If any assault at work
results in permanent disability, the benefits paid for more serious injuries will be
increased by 50% - giving you the potential of a cash payout of up to £375,000! And it's
also tax-free under current legislation!"
Usually I throw all this junk straight away. But I am quite keen for more details now. I'm wondering what kinds of situations this company envisages. I hope they've got a casebook of fabricated examples. That would cheer me up.
Still, one thing I have been doing is updating this site. I still want to juggle the home
page around, but as long as you can read it, hey! A couple of pages now have additions, courtesy
of some of your witticisms - The Educational Value
of Wordsearches and Top Tips.
I've also created a new section called
Over to You, where I will
post contributions to the site. I know it's helped me to get things off my chest, and it's
cheaper than therapy, so if you want to send me your rants, don't forget you can
contact me.
Oh, and if you are enjoying and/or agreeing with the sentiments of this website, or if you need more convincing, then do take a look at the School Daze website, run by another teacher who feels the pressure!
Well I guess the big news is that this website got a mention in the TES last Friday, which is great news because it means I've had more visitors. You're all most welcome, but just remember to tell your friends! Even better is that I've had lots of mail from people, especially of course teachers, who have their own rants. Not only have they made me chuckle, but also it's great not to feel like I'm the only one smiling through gritted teeth.
I will be replying to everyone individually, and also adding some new pages very very soon, which will include some of the inspired ideas and rants I've received. So do pop back soon! Meanwhile, I still haven't unpacked my suitcase after my fortnight in Costa del HotHotHot, and if only those back-to-school nightmares would cease I'm sure I wouldn't feel so ragged when I get up.
Cor! I am feeling tap-happy this week - tapping away at my keyboard, that is, not in a plumbing or dancing way. I keep frowning at my homepage, because I don't like it much design-wise, so once again, I'll appeal for suggestions.
The latest additions, with their associated complications of adding images in formats that
promise to be universally recognised but turn out to be double-dutch according to several browsers,
are:
If you do spot any typos, navigation problems, etc., then please get in touch and I'll see if I can sort it out. Thank you!
Hooray for holidays! Time to wander about barefoot, potter in the garden, take a trip to the seaside - or rather, given that the only time it's stopped drizzling is to have a good old fashioned pour-down, I've had no excuse not to catch up with weeks' worth of grime around the house. The vacuum's exhausted and even the iron was in shock at being taken out of its box and put to good use. And now I've had time to add some more snippets of cynicism, although I'm expecting that any day now a peaceful de-stressed feeling will wash over me - and I'll stop waking up at stupid o'clock after dreaming of mark-sheets. So before I start dreaming in rose-coloured hues, take a look at The Horrors of Teaching, The Educational Value of Wordsearches and Shy of Retiring.
Oh I know, it's been a while, but now the end of the school year is in sight, and I can finally start counting down the days until I get rid of some of my horrible classes as they move up a year. The TES website has recently been asking teachers to let them know what they will be doing over the holidays, and I'm pleased to report a huge split in the teaching community. Pleased, because this reflects the attitudes of teachers I personally know, and I will let you decide which camp I fit into.
Firstly, half of the replies to the TES's thread were of the "huh, what holidays" kind.
These tortured souls spend the first week or two of the summer holidays faithfully going into
school to clear out filing cabinets, paint classrooms (I kid you not, this happened in my
school too until the authority forbade it lest any asbestos was disturbed), plan for next term,
and so on. They then reported a couple of weeks of "down time" before starting up again with
the unnecessary going-into-school thing, to prepare for the next term (AGAIN?!) and be there
for exam results.
I tend to think of this as a boy-scout attitude of do-gooding, but in all seriousness there is something immensely sad about the whole thing. I suspect that the teachers who inhabit the empty corridors and echoing classrooms in holiday time either have no lives of their own, or perhaps hate their families so much that they would rather be in a stuffy old building during the best time of the year. Or that these teachers are so ineffecient that there is actually a load of work they need to catch up with over the holidays.
I really am
struggling to discover what takes up so much time though. What takes up to four weeks to do that
can't be crammed into the Inset day at the start of term? I imagine it to be a coffee-swilling
dithering and gossiping kind of work. Books are all marked, the first week's lessons should consist
of the introductory kind, there's no work yet to stick up on the walls... what are they doing?!
When you start a new job, you're normally sent your timetable over the summer and expected in at
school on the first day of term. There's not much you can do to prepare until school gets under way.
That's not to say I haven't already got a "to do" list for September, and I do envisage spending at least a few days of week one of the holidays making / filing worksheets, but then it's long lazy lie-ins for me, going to the pub midweek, sitting in the garden and watching the grass grow, perhaps a few lunchtime swims, messing about on my computer, catching up with friends - in fact all the things that the other half of TES respondents listed. The normal half, as I like to think of them.
Let's face it, we were given a long holiday for a reason. We need to be refreshed, we need to bring something extra and fun back to the classroom when we finally have to drag ourselves back, and we're not going to get that by hanging around a grim old building all summer, seeing the same grey faces of our colleagues and whinging about work. So make the most of it, and my advice to teachers who find themselves chained to their blackboards: go home! Leave it all behind!
Meanwhile, check out my new additions: Top Teaching Tips and Teacher Clichés.
This week I have mostly been angry. And not just at children! I have been angry at (gasp!) other teachers! Specifically those who use my classroom when I'm not in there.
Every time I have returned to my room after a lesson elsewhere (or the joys of invigilation), I have experienced a hell dimension consisting of a floor carpeted with sweet wrappers, shelves adorned with bits of used tissue, wall displays hanging by one remaining drawing pin, and desks that tell playground tales of who is 4 who, and who else is a slag. I will spare you the more gruesome details of nasal contents.
I glare at the departing teacher's back with scorn, incredulous at the sudden departure. Firstly, how dare they pretend to be so blind that they don't see the rubbish they are wading through to reach the door? Secondly, how dare they leave the rubbish for me to pick up, as I know that otherwise it's a clear message to my next class to help themselves to their sweets and then drop their rubbish too, or merely throw the existing rubbish around. Thirdly, what the hell went on in that lesson that could leave such a trail of destruction? Maybe the messy teacher has already had their punishment in the preceding hour, but as I dislodge those manky tissues yet again, it's hard to feel much sympathy.
Ah, the glory of the four-week half term! Does life really get so sweet? Oh yes it does, because today celebrates not only the glory of the four-week half term, but also the joys of Bank Holiday Monday, coupled with the fact that there are now only 14 teaching days to go until the next half term holiday. Suddenly the dark days of struggling to a late Easter almost seem like a hazy memory. I know my mood will have changed in just a few hours' time when I've started to tackle the marking that's tottering in its dog-eared pile just in the corner of my eye. By then I will have descended into the depths of bleakness only encountered whilst cursing the messy, incomplete, doodled-upon, inappropriately-answered, unpunctuated and unparagraphed sums-of-all-knowledge contained within said pile.
Still, let's focus on the future. Only 14 teaching days. Well, even that's not strictly true. 'Tis the season of exams (although that season does seem never ending at times) and with it come many joys: the room changes! the cancelled lessons! the invigilation duties! the extra marking! the extra cover lessons! the disrupted timetable! Sometimes the monotony of routine begins to sound comforting...
Anyway, before getting too Eeyore about it, let me just introduce you to my two new offerings: The Importance of Being Sporty and Pay Day. Enjoy, and don't forget to let me know what you think. Until next time - happy May Day!
At last I have somewhere to vent my spleen!
Phew, think my friends and pub associates who must have better things to do on a
Friday evening than listen to me rant about the stupidity of kids and associated topics.
Because let's get one thing straight here; this site is nothing to do with all that cute
stuff kids are supposed to come out with. This is the dark side.
The site is in its infancy at the moment. Newborn, in fact. A manageable age, tiny, and cute only to its creator. But hopefully it will grow into an obnoxious larger being, and I envisage weekly updates. Except of course in the long and luxurious school holidays, when, unlike my colleagues who use the time to catch up with marking, paperwork and preparation, I'll no doubt be sunning myself on exotic shores.
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